Is it forgiveness or just simply being coward?

Is it forgiveness or just simply being coward?

Forgiveness is way better than revenge or violence, may be it is true, confrontation is always bad, violence only ends with violence. But there is a limit of forgiveness, even a mythical god lord Krishna forgives 100 sins then he like to punish the sinner, we are no god simple human being how easy or OK for us to forgive? Little things may be, but what about disgusting acts of monster like person every day that we read or watch on newspaper or on TV, then why forgive those horrible actions? Punishment should have been solution for some action, the example should set for future, or the news or papers will not stop showing us the ugly and horrible face of today’s society.

One single incident, the destruction of one girl’s precious life can set back our whole country many years backward, because of some animal, why half of our population will live in home and in fear and shame like sheep and lambs? where is the solution of that shame? Nowhere actually, the fire the truth the wise minds are gone from our society, the cowards and sick peoples all around, some do those ugly acts some witness them in silence, both are equally deserve severe punishment, only then the animals can be chained.

No one born monster, the society the norms the illiteracy creates them nourished them, like the mosquitoes grows and breeds in stagnant water, the darkness of the mind still exists, how much we like to ignore that, but the incidents the disgusting cruel action sometimes just points out those dark elements, so clearly that we even cannot look into the mirror, still after some time we forget we forgive ourselves and move on, move on living the same life neglecting ignoring the dark allies and the creatures like those, but again one attack again one roar from those ignored forgiven places we wake up shivering to sleep again like we often forget our nightmares,  but every time we sleep we lose a life we lose a dream we lose little bit of us in the process.

Love me or Hate me !!!

JLove me or Hate me J

Remember the story about the couple and the donkey and the people complaining about their every move? I guess it’s a story of everyone’s life, whatever we may say whatever we may do but some group of people is always going to complain no matter what. Even the people close like family, different mind judge differently but funny part they judge, why? Why not let it be? Every person is different than other we may like them or love them or can hate them but why we try to change them? Why not accept them as they are and have a nice life, I think in every person in some point want to let go but can’t, may be it is in the nature.

When I was a child I loved and liked every member of my family as a little person could, but getting to know those persons separately and individually divided them into groups, favorite ones, likable ones, good friend like  and those with whom just formal relation survived, all of these things happened because I grew up to be different person and some people were compatible some were extremely opposite, the opinion the mind set the beliefs and lifestyle choices actually chooses the people close to us with whom we can feel free, feel ourselves, no formality needed there.

I always thought the blood relation is supreme, the connection is may be like magic, but grown up me do not believe that, it’s not the matter of blood only word that matters is relation, the trust, communication and love that is magic, real care and feelings that makes a relationship strong and meaningful. Sometime the blood relation can feel so far way that someone can’t even calculate the feelings right.

So what to do? Why keep fake and unreal relationships alive just for everyone’s opinion and rules? Why not choose the relationships that the heart desires and supports? It is so simple, no middle way keep the relations real, no lies no fake talks, no pretend cares, just the truth, only two ways there Love me or Hate me ;-) 

What a mess!!

What a mess!!

It is kind of funny to see a person not allowing any one inside his or her precious home with wearing shoe or complaining about the dirt coming with the shoe into the house but that same person littering on the street throwing waste and paper wrappers on the open area and not thinking about the clean environment of his or hers own neighborhood, really makes me think then how can I call that person clean even with a sparkling home. Littering is a common problem in India still now in 2012; New Year comes and goes but no New Year resolution states about stopping this dirty habit. It feels very bad when the road side or a playground of a town or city looks covered with garbage here and there, candy wrappers, food waste, plastic cups, if there a political rally or meeting on a place the after scene is horrible. No one care about the waste or the dirty environment all around, but all of us live in it day and night, with the result of that bad habit, stinky smells, mosquitoes and several bad diseases.

Cleaning the home inside and spreading dirt all over the outside places is not very good is it? The population is growing every day, the space is shrinking with that and the little space we are covering that with garbage. Every large city should have a recycling center to transform the garbage and temporally waste into something useful again, but who is going to do that, our political leaders are busy in securing their own future and ignoring the environmental threats, common people is so tangle with the horrible economy and day to day struggle for existence that it will be a luxury for them to think otherwise. So it is may be a sure site for many years to watch our roads fields and the open spaces filled with mess and waste all around.

Believer or a Nonbeliever!!

Believer or a Nonbeliever!!

Believing something is a very complicated matter, one can believe easily without asking any questions, one can never be less questionable about something, it is a tricky business. But still being a believer or a nonbeliever is very important matter or discussion for other people, if someone is a total believer he may irritate some people, if a person is complete skeptic he can also piss of a group of people. Asking questions of believing without any question at all, what should be the way? Ehhhhh all depends on the person and the mind inside the person’s head.

Then it’s the matter of pessimist and optimist thinking, cup half full or half empty kind of debate. But it’s not that a nonbeliever is a pessimist or a believer is always optimist, if opposite extremes mix then a huge pain can be created, think of an extreme pessimist person who is a total and blind believer of something, let’s pretends he believes blindly about bad lucks and the bad omens then what? Think about the tension and pain he can feel every moment, so extreme anything can be painful.

Asking question is good for mind, can open the mind and can teach many things but a person continuously asking question about everything even about the belief that you have in your mind, the sentiments, that can be hurtful. But without asking any question, believing something is dangerous, it can close the doors of knowledge the chance to learn something new something beyond the belief forever. Closing the mind to new facts and information new changes is stupidity. A stair has its first step but standing on that step without moving upward is waste of time. Curiosity killed the cat, I heard but stagnant water can smell really bad after sometime.

So what should do believe or not, it is a big question, but why has to do any of them, I can be in a middle ground, the land of suspicion ready to believe and ready to dismiss, but open to know. The land of knowledge or being a student forever is way better than being a believer or a nonbeliever. Life is a tiny second comparing to the whole of existence, very little time to know why waste it on debates or classifying oneself as anything. Being a student is far more fun it means I don’t have to act like fixed manner; new things can change me I can move forward without any hesitation. So why believe or not believe just want to know…….

Where is my freedom?????

Where is my freedom?????

Freedom is an illusion really, every moment we long for it all we want is little freedom, little place of our own to think to feel to see freely without any disturbance and interruption, but what we get? Nothing, like freedom at all, we all  ends up with responsibility, liability, the rules of society and human civilization all stuffs suffocating us, but not a little bit of fresh air, not the permission of doing something different something crazy something odd. Go with the flow, do whatever everyone is doing, don’t dream crazy don’t aspect something extraordinary, every moment chained by unwritten rules.

What about the mind of me, the crazy born free mind always wants to fly and see the world/ why I have to make it and turn it into a prisoner for everyone’s sake? Why can’t I do or think whatever I feel good or right. May be it is stupid or crazy but still it will be my choice my insane decision.

What means living, not same for every person, different people see the same scene differently, react differently, feel differently so why live a same life? Why not live differently like the way I want to see things to feel and to enjoy. It is sometime unbearable to live like a planned creature, do or think like everyone, if I want to run away I should, if I want to scream like hell why shouldn't I? All I want is freedom, all I get is imprisonment suffocation……..why I feel like I am losing my mind to a fixed life. That I am not going to let happen, I will not allow to kill my free will and heart for stupid rule, if I want to scream I will if I want to live I will as I want to as long as I will breath I will dream and I will seek freedom in every black ally of this society.

Broken wings!!!!

Broken wings!!

It was an invitation really, from a friend to visit their home for a surprise. So I visited, it was a surprise marriage anniversary gift for my friend from her husband, a collection of little colorful birds in a nice high price cage. I am not Tarzan or Mogli to read that bird’s mind or understand them,but they looked sad, and yes I was surprised but it was not a good kind of surprise for me. it was painful  as I know that it is not supported by law to keep pet birds, but it is not rare in today’s society. It is kind of a show off or playing god kind of thing. The couple was celebrating their marital bond by destroying the natural bond of a free bird from an open sky.

Birds, are the most exquisite and tremendous creation of nature, which are able to enjoy the big nice open sky so beautifully and naturally. Spreading their colorful wings the can make this sky look alive. But seeing them in a small cage in an apartment is nothing sweet or awesome or nice, it was gloomy, dark, painful and selfish. We don’t have wings, we are not able to fly so normally we need technology for that, yeas we have opposable thumbs and evolved brain and a conscious mind but that does not make us god or decider of fate for lesser animals, as a matter of facts who can say they are lesser, they are like that they are living breathing animals, that upon who we don’t or we should not have any rights whatsoever. But we have power so we don’t think or care, only for our amusement some psychotic people still killing animals, destroying regardless of any consequences, our own ecology for fun and games and for money. We are keeping a free magnificent symbol ultimate freedom in cages, what is it? Superiority complex? Or god complex? Or just narcissism?

I was kind of irritating to them with my own views and sympathy, but it was worth it, those birds represented several bad diseases that we facing today in our society  cruelty, lack of freedom of mind or speech, hatred selfishness and many more. It is a symbol of our insecurity that we need to torture lesser animals to make us feel worthwhile feel happy, we like to own them, like to play with them cause it reflects our control or grip on their life, in a clueless world that we live this little act of cruelty makes us fate makers for a little while. I know after a period of time those birds will forget to fly in wild and live and breed in wind they will be prisoner forever the next generation will born in captivity, they will lost their will to fly free, but still those little marble like eyes will look to the sky and scream for no reason, the wings of their mind will be broken.

But in reality who is really loosing something? The illusion the cruelty the selfish rationalism will hurt whom the most?  Are we really making the lives of those birds measurable?  Or they only represent the broken wings of our hopes and humanity? It is a question that scares me most in the dark…….

Song of my heart!!

Song of my heart!!

The feelings the emotions running and playing inside the mind is a very complicated composition of life. Like a concert going on forever, since the moment of first knowing oneself, never stops, just changes and ups and downs in the tune. But that is what it is, a part of being alive, being awake, that tune is the only thing that making this life a nice one. The happy tones the melancholy ones the sad ant sweet notes, the love tone, everything is making this a life, more than a living organism. Closing the eyes the heart can go millions of miles away and can feel thousands of feeling inside, all of this because we are alive, not only physically but mentally as well.

But the tunes stumbles, fade away sometimes, with so many noises around the music of heart can easily be ignored, and with time it can totally be veiled. This happens with life too, some memories with a person can stay in a same manner but the person changes or become invisible, the feelings of that moment stands still till the last breath, that is the beauty of a moment, a perfect beautiful complete moment, like a perfect note in a music composition. The feeling of knowing someone is so unreal that everyone knows that in their heart still like to believe that they know. In a crowd still mind feels alone or sometimes being alone can feel so complete.

All is like a game of mind, the hide and seeks the beliefs and trust the minds connecting and disconnecting and the moments creating a memory all like violin music. The heart makes everything so simple that anyone can feel that they belong somewhere but the time never belongs to anyone. With a sudden incident everything known can be change forever, the feelings can go far away or change into a different theme. But still the ups and down of the notes of the music of life seems so sweet perfect, sad melancholy, and warm.

The song plays no more,

Hiding in other noises for so long,

Broken notes scattered all over the

Floor, waiting still, to be one again

A single song, once more to be heard,

Once more to be finished, the ending..

The ending is fading away……

More and more each day

Still I can hear the song of my heart….

What is true Faith?

What is true Faith?

"Reason is our soul's left hand, faith her right."

-John Donne

Life of a great man often ends in invisibility but after his departure he rise again and some people took more control on him than he ever had before. The same thing happens with god or the supreme creator of the worlds as we often describe that power, every religion circles around a supreme thought of explaining everything based on simple faith. Which is not bad really, because not thinking about the creation or destruction whatsoever is a way by what a man can live in peace just in faith. But more rituals and surrounded personal gain makes everything complicated, a spider web of faith and treachery, the god the power the main explanation then does not matter the agents running here on earth and their materialistic gains is what blinds a simple man, and with time he grows weaker and confused, and after a little time all he does not have is faith.

The organization is everywhere now a days, growing on based on faith and miracle and unnatural is what is taking the light of hope and faith from human mind.  When a person has to give some materials in exchange of a fortune or good life where is the self-belief in that? Or where is the belief of karma that only doing good will achieve good, not hopeless praying, or after doing something horrible paying someone to clean up the sin. The agencies are what making everything simple and everything corrupted.

My neighbor does not leave his home before praying to various god and goddesses, but every time forget to wear a helmet, one couple that I know praying for a long time for a child of their own, there been years, they want to be parents, but they are not still able to see the thousands of children in orphanage who needs a parent a home, their life is empty just like the couple’s home, but they don’t have the faith in their love and their power to make a life secure. They are lost they can’t find the child that they are looking for in a real world. That is the lack of faith.

When a own offspring do something bad everyone blames on fate or destiny or god, but when there is a chance to give a life to an orphan child they are scared of unknown blood, many people can easily manage to mess up their own kid than take a chance with others. So where is the faith that everyone is talking about? I am skeptic, always have always will be, some people don’t like that, I ask them to show me true faith, but true fate don’t need any proof or name, it is here everywhere, in this world, naturally, no supernatural or paranormal explanation is needed to find it. For me faith is doing direct work by believing oneself than spending millions of rupees in praying or materialistic cleanups for sins. Spending for a living being is much more holy than wasting on a fear or weakness. That is real faith may be........

Thinking of ants….

Thinking of ants….

I was thinking of ants lately, little creature insects but with an organized and complex society they live in, very similar to human societies. But something differs   from our society or our complex organization. They are primitive, act on their basic instinct, the plan set in their genes they act on that blueprint only, with rhythm and solid perfection. There is no place for errors or petty mistakes. We humans are way better evolved creature than little ants or a honey bee; we are made of logic, emotions, feeling of millions of number, own view, far more than a genetic blueprint. But our world somehow is full of errors and petty mistakes; the very emotion makes us different, some of them also make us terrible for a good social order. We evolved physically but in the matter of mental change we are so afraid to accept the nature’s basic rule of change, we just can’t evolve in that same rate psychologically. Believing something is more of an easy job than asking question that means leaving our comfort zone behind. May be we the humans also cannot live farther from our nest.

The society that one day our ancestors made or forced to make to survive the brutal world, now becoming a larger threat itself. The rotten roots the broken branches need a new tree a new thinking to regenerate to be fresh once more. The insecurity, the jealousy, the rage and anger is destroying all that once hoped for, instead of walking together as a group or a nest we are walking along and pretending to live in a social order. We are corrupting our environment, we are destroying our home just for nothing, some personal gain, little fun but we are constantly ignoring our natural instinct. The instinct of worship nature that may be sounds primitive but that is what nature needs us to be. May be a mix of little logic and advancement, with a little primal and natural instinct. Like ants a little bit.

Some of us really confused, in believing that they are way more realistic but just thinking for only a moment is not realistic it’s more like a foolish assumption that we can control everything. We are thinking ourselves as giants or as the best species that this earth has ever saw, but in reality to this universe we are nothing more than a lost ant or way smaller than that. The law of change in universe also lies in our natural blueprint but we are living in a noisy place to hear anything but a mechanical sound around us. Our basic nature our primal instinct is shutting down slowly, we are letting our guard down. Now our society our nest our home is unprotected.

We have many more advancement than a little ant society, but why I am still thinking of them, scares me sometimes, the motion of change is moving, I am afraid of being left behind with my society like some lost ants in the woods without a nest.

Life is a game of hide & seek

Life is a game of hide & seek

Life is nothing, but a game of hide and seek, the long lost family, feelings hiding behind fake words, seeking truth a common desire, but most of the times fails to get a true answer, all of us playing night and day this game of hide and seek. It is fun though seeking something new and hidden for a change, looking for lost feelings inside a beating heart, calling a long lost member of family to feel connected again, feeling all alone in a crowed and then only to find out that exactly there I belong. The game of loosing, and getting back something entirely new is brilliant. Heart always seeks out to the connected heart blood always able to find blood.

But pain is there, when all of a sudden you realize that all of that castle of hope, connection you building up the heart you are setting for is same time shattering, a beginning and end simultaneously happening behind our consciousness. That is life. I always looked for my scattered family, the hidden ones from my life, seeking out to them try to find a loving family to belong, want to get a simple answer why we cannot all live happy together, but in the same time I know the impossibility of that foolish desire, everyone wants the same but no one can get that, that is the main fun puzzling part of being too much human, feeling every emotion sometime makes us so cold and confused that we lost everything again for nothing real.

It is sad that I may pass right across someone from my family without recognizing them, but that is may be better sometimes, not knowing the person you can always made them wise, kind and loving, as soon you start to know better, look better, the hidden things comes out and all illusion breaks through. The game is fun while playing, the endgame is always messy.

Today life is all about speed, success and getting things done, after all of that only a tired heart breaths, without any emotion, just breath in and out, nothing matters, in this speed we are losing the little things behind, we are growing up too soon and the lost things we forgetting, small pebbles that ones I used to collect, the little shiny things I used to hide behind my desk all left behind little joy little smiles.

But sometime calling out to a long lost relation pays up, you can get more than you can ever wanted, little smiles little hopes wherever hidden before comes running toward you and suddenly you can find a little place where you belong. A little seeking in a lots of hidden life.

Those days with me

Those days with me

 Some days are just for memories I guess, no matter what changes but some memories always stands still in mind, may be feelings are gone the people with whom the memories were created are lost from life but still they are here with me just because of those memories I denied to forget, not because they are happy memories but they were real, painful but real more than anything, letting them go means leaving a part of me behind. I have changes who am I kidding still changing but I miss old me every stage of me being me I miss and those memories represents those parts of my life. Can’t let them go, some I should may be but I cannot that is me may be holding me in past without even realizing sometimes. Still what can I do, who I am without my memories the real ones!!!

That is may be my greatest weakness can ignore joke about, I also can move on but one thing that I have never been able to do is just forget, I should but I could not or I won’t still does not matter, who I am is sort of person who spend some of the days like today in the memory lane.

Festive feelings in a festive day….

Festive feelings in a festive day….

Festive days, with lots of colors bright lights, lots of music new dresses and welcoming Devi Durga into our lives, the 4 days of Durga puja is one of the most important festival for a Bengali girl like me, it always brings the nostalgic memory of childhood excitement and fun, it’s like living a dream again and again and again but with each time something change. When I was a child it was all fun and color the brightness all around, growing up started to understand the legend and myths around the Devi Durga tradition, always liked the story of Devi Durga destroying the demon Mahisasur ith all the weapons given her by other gods, but for us Bengalis its like welcoming our own girl with her children in our home or her paternal home for whole four days, then in the Dasami she leaves to her home again, the morning program in morning radio about the story and the Chani Mantra reading by Birendra Krishna Vadra became a must part of the beginning of the Durga puja festival, the day Mahalaya  usually starts the real excitement among us. New dress for each day, decorating the house, enjoying every day with family and friends, visiting all the Mandaps of the city and long talks with friend, just been amazing always, we all wait for these days the whole year, then it pass so quickly.

But with all the lights and color all around darkness always  catches my eye, the shadows lurking in the lights the sad faces behind the happy ones are getting clear every year, when we just shop new dress for each day many little kids just don’t have a single dress to wear, the people searching for foods in happy festive days and returning home without any when we just wasting many food without even thinking, the money all clubs are spending for a bigger and brighter decoration theme for the puja and the constant nonstop music covering all up, while some people don’t have enough money to buy a bread, I always enjoyed the big themes and the luxurious celebrations until now, now I am more like feeling guilty every time want to do something fun, simplicity is what I will enjoy maybe, it is may be hypocritical for me to think like that, but still do, may be thinking like that also spoiled some fun for my friends.

The memories of my childhood and festive days was so more innocent and fun now it is just a mare memory now the feelings has changed with me, may be the celebration for Devi Durga who represent the victory of light over dark over evil should be all about fairness and equality not show off and glamour but holding hands with all around us and light a candle and worship the goodness in our souls. Still phony feelings; of my heart living a good life is what making me so untruthful to the words I have written. But still this day the day of Bijaya Dasami I am sad, I will miss these 4 days and I will wait for the next festive days. This is curious that how the bright lights help me to see beyond the colors of festivals.