Conspiracy….!!!! Or just ignore it…!!!

Conspiracy….!!!! Or just ignore it…!!!

Conspiracy is a funny word and also very popular one, especially in this era. Some people tend to see conspiracy everywhere, hidden like layers after layers in this very society, people like that often known as paranoid, imaginative etc. etc. There are also people who can’t even recognize a real conspiracy even when standing in the middle of it. Standing in the eye of the storm and thinking “what a beautiful day..!!”, those people known as ignorant. But conspiracy is not a plot or imagination it has been a way of living for us, we the people, human beings, always trying to control everything around us. But not all of us have that kind of power to create a big conspiracy with multiple layers, but we all have our hidden agendas, and we try to hide that as much as we can. But there are people that don’t need to hide their agendas they can control the means and result by a series of events that may seem unconnected, random but actually like a spider web, a tiny vibration in any end & the spider will have its pray. It seems scary to think we are a part of a conspiracy or part of more than one, just pawns in a big game without even realizing it, having string attached and a hidden puppeteer or more than one. Or may be random is just random, no hidden picture no layers no conspiracy at all.

But wishful thinking is a curse, looking at an event and trying to see the dominoes effect just speculating what this single event can achieve in a long run, why this happened? Do anything happen just for the sake of the happening? May be not, there is always a reason, a plot a story behind every word people speak, people do in every action there is thousands probable reaction but there are people who can control the probability, manipulating little things without being noticed, people tend to see a parade with more attention than a man walking alone. A good conspiracy is never obvious never reveal its patterns easily but one can see if they know where to look. 

It is fun to analyze an event, speculating the next move the next result, connecting the dots that look so random. It is not a matter of be clear or be simple, everything is simple, just simplicity is complex. Why someone saying that thing? What is his hidden agenda? I have many hidden agendas, so other people must have that too, so what to trust? Be suspicious is not something I would recommend it is bad for sleeping. But trusting?? Is that good for health?? I don’ know, may be ignorance is bliss after all. But chess is an interesting game, some people use real life to create a good game, it is better not to become someone else’s pawn, it is little more interesting to look for the big picture not just a puzzle piece. Everything is very simple that nothing really is, it can never be. We all lie, we all have hidden agendas, we all try to be a puppeteer but most of us don’t have the means to that, but people with power can, so we need to look to the events the actions, listen to the words carefully of the powerful people then look beyond present & try probability. It is a fun game thinking, it keeps the brain warm and it is never boring and in a long run it can predict the pattern of an ongoing conspiracy. 

Living in a Nightmare..!!!!

Living in a Nightmare..!!!!

I am having frequent nightmares, every time I close my eyes I woke up with a start & sweat but I forget what I have been dreaming about. Still I crave for a sleep and dreams, but I don’t know what I am seeing in my dreams and what is making me so afraid!  Once I thought I have to remember what I am dreaming, it is happening in my brain so I have to train it to remember. I tried and tried one-step at a time; I started to remember glimpses of my dream. Then one day I remember all of it. I was not having a nightmare I was alive, having a life, a beautiful Utopian life, with bright light, love, laughter and peace. The sun shining bright with a pleasant warm feeling, the moon in the night so silvery and gentle, I read, I sing I smile and wonder about anywhere I want, but then I come to a dreadful realization that I am dreaming, this happy place is not my life it is not anybody’s life, it cannot be reality, it is a dreamworld a neverland one must call it that I read in the stories. The land I live never known peace, though it craved for it, the sun shines but with hate and anger, people can’t read, sing or say anything that they want, if they are nobody then they don’t matter, if their words don’t match to the beliefs of the people with deadly weapons they must die like nothing. Here one word is enough reason to kill someone. But we are well designed to withstand any violence nay inhumanity, maybe we died one day without realizing, that is why nothing affects us, we hardly ever scream in desperation, we hardly ever cry for anything real. We are more evolved now, emotionless machines. And among us who accidentally left with little emotion and not quite machine yet we kill them, we try to kill their mind or their body, though mind is more important and dangerous because a creative, curious, rebellious mind can infect many more so kill the mind, the body will die eventually. But do machines dream? May be they do, may be the evolution is not yet done. Maybe we are still a little human inside.

We scared of death, because we don’t know what is waiting for us behind the dark veil, but what if we know where we were going back if we woke up? In a dream that so beautiful and peaceful waking up is a curse and it is heartbreaking and terrifying, it is bad not knowing but it is much more worst that knowing where we are and where we have to live in fear in hate in despair, we cannot avoid, we cannot change. So I woke up terrified with a start and my brain forgets the wonderful dream just to remain sane in this cruel brutal reality. In dreams I live, and I die when I wake up. 

Children of Fear & Blood!!!!

Children of Fear & Blood!!!!

Do you still believe in humanity? Do you live a peaceful life? Does your heart still beat for others? Then I don’t know where you live, because where I am from there is no humanity left, hearts are cold, no one knows what peace actually means, maybe we can dream about it or read in books but we don’t know what it is. Where I live there is only bloodshed, violence, hate, the eyes are full of anger & frustration. Hearts are bleeding, on the roads on the clothes even the sky is red, can’t you see? Then maybe you are blind, or just shut your eyes close, may be you are thinking if you can’t see the monster then the monster will leave you alone. May be you can ignore it as much as possible to make it go away. It is scary to look, all we know all we hope for all we have left is already gone, with every bullet that took an innocent life we lose everything pure everything sweet, every drop of humanity now gone, with every scream with every drop of tear we are dying in agony.

When we read in the paper something scary or saw a horrible video still our hearts don’t skip a beat, still our eyes don’t get teary then it is all done, we are the children of fear and blood, we cope in this world, we don’t even close our eyes anymore, we relish in pain, we learned to smile in face of death. Do you still know what’s joy looks like on the face of innocence?  Do you feel the love around you? Then I envy you, I envy the world where still humanity can be found. But not here our dreams are even bloody now. We are walking like corpses only flesh & blood no feeling no soul inside, we growl we eat we breathe we spread poison in the air. We don’t get scared any more, we don’t even flinch, we are the children of fear & blood; we are habituated with violence, we now look in the eyes of the monster & welcome it to devour us. We relish pain, we have nothing left inside anymore, with every bullet, every scream, every tear of the innocence we created our own hell and now there is no way to escaping the horrible destiny that we made for us. Any road we are going to choose will lead us to the same point. So I ask you again, do you know what is peace? What is humanity? Or what is love? Then you must be in a different world because we don’t have that anymore. 

Immortals!!!!

Immortals!!!!

Willingly or unwillingly living a life, time after time…

No memory of past, no knowledge of what might come,

The journey I began since the dawn in the first light,

The stories I have seen, the things that came to pass,

Still I feel, I smile, I fell in love, still my heart can shatter,

Time after time life after life the names I had……

Since the first light! the first face felt the sun,

The face first smiled, the face first saw the setting sun,

The ghosts of the time no more, long left behind,

Can hear the sound of the day that might come,

Standing still with a longing to live, the illusion of death,

The life after life since the first light......

Every time with a new face I overlook the truth inside...

Yearn to live, scared to die, forget the face that knew…

Knew all along!!! With the thunder, with the wind,

Standing still; we are the immortals!!!!!!!!

My Silver Tongue Storyteller!!!

My Silver Tongue Storyteller!!!

Stories been there, always, every moment, every time, in a near future there is a story in making, they are all around us, but we miss them, & so we miss our own story. It is writing itself every minute....it is a bit strange!!! That I am in my story & the story is all me!!! It is little narcissistic but we all are little that, so easy to ignore that small part. Our life is our story & no one can deny that, every character that we came across all of them are supporting characters and we are the main, it works vice versa. But there it is a simple truth hidden in plain sight that we all tend to miss. We all have our own unique story, we all are important in our own journey but we seem to care more about what other people thinks or doing or how it is more important to poke others than enjoying our own journey.

I always loved stories, as a child I was crazy about them, I used to grill my elders for more & more stories, & then of I go in my own fantasy world to relieve all the words & fantastic things I have heard. My grandma often used to tell me the stories before going to bed, good stories she called them, good for nature & soul with morals and principles, she thought it would be better to dream about good things from which I can learn something, & the whole day was for crazy fun stories. She knew stories are important for life; because we all have one & it is wise to learn differentiate between good stories with crazy ones.

After my grandma left all of us I lost all of my stories, I missed them but no one could replace her talent of storytelling,  she was brilliant one, she can make stories in a second I was amazed by her so many times. She never had shortage in new stories, with new fascinating characters and storylines. She and her stories were always ready to be told, and I admired her for that. It was a superpower to have to make stories while telling, making them evolving them, & she never hesitated. She always had inspiring stories of bravery, strength and morality. She liked reading a lot too, when she was not telling me stories, she was busy reading books, I never wanted to read back then, why should I have?? I had a talking living breathing story book, even an encyclopedia in that matter, she had answers for all of questions, & I had loads of them. Then suddenly one day I lost my Silver Tongue & lost my stories. Then I had to take shelter in the pages of many fine books, in a few months the books became my new best friend, still in my dreams I can hear my grandma reading me those books.

One day it hit me like a thunder that after all these stories all those words I never got to know the story of my grandma, I knew bits of pieces here & there, she used to tell me some things but not that much, like a moment, a sweet memory, a fine day, but never the whole story. I was too much of a selfish ignorant child that I never asked her own story, & no one can tell me her story like her, everyone will describe their own story & she will be a supporting character in those but in her stories she could have told me as a main character the original one. For my father & unties she was a mother, for me genius storyteller grandma, for my maa a loving caring mother in law but who was she for her? What was her own words about her, what made her who she was, I missed all that forever.

Since that day whenever I see a face I can feel a story, I asked my parents all about theirs, they sometime hate being interviewed or grilled so much. But I don’t want to miss another story go by me unnoticed, if I know someone then I have to know their story or it will be an incomplete chapter of my own story. And I am extremely selfish or better to say narcissist to leave my story incomplete, so I can’t miss the stories around me, they are part of me, the help writing my   own. I always been in love with stories, a good one can make me happy for hours, still now every story that I hear I can hear my grandma, her soft loving voice, she helped me understanding my love for stories, she fueled it encouraged it never got tired of telling me stories, my sweet sweet grandma, my silver tongue storyteller.

Words to Thunder…!!!!

Words to Thunder…!!!!

What do we have, to stand against injustice, brutality, abuse or anything that stands on the way of our freedom of being a human being? We have our heart to make us strong, we have our courage to make us unbreakable, we have our will power to fight to the end, & we have our voice to break the silent, of fear & hesitation. We have our words, words are powerful, it is capable of trembling empires & bring an end to the tyranny, it can influence, motivate, & inspire people, and it can light fire into the hearts of sleeping ignorant crowd, it can give birth to a revolution. All of this can be start from some words spoken from the heart, the pain the anger that it shows can change the world, can change the faith of the powerful it can end injustice, all we need is right word.

Power intoxicates people, there are very few in history those who fought its seduction and stood still with principle and determination, power makes people greedy, cruel, manipulative and most of all insecure, the fear of loosing it, is far more terrifying than anything else, so the people have power, act of this fear and try to crush any opposing voice or mind that it can. The happiness is much less than the fear and insecurity for a person poisoned by the taste of supremacy or dominance, they want it to be evermore so they ignore any logic any morality or any humanity, just controlled by greed, insecurity and pure frustration a person can be extremely dangerous for society. History shows us many examples of power hungry people, but we keep our blinds on in the same situation and hope that it will pass & history will not repeat itself but that is denial  and it have to end at some point.

We the people the majority of the society who don’t have power, we have a tendency to fight back if put in the corner, it going to happen sooner or later because people don’t endure tyranny or brutality for long, the people have a breaking point, and when it breaks, people need some word to guide them, and the words becomes weapon & dynasties fall.

There can be only so much fear, or patience or ignorance, after extreme fear there nothing but only rage and anger, after so much patience there is only a thirst to change and after a decade of ignorance there is a revolution. Nothing stands still, nothing stays same, everything changes, powerful become weak, and weak can become powerful, the circle keeps going but in-between there are phases that mark the beginning and the end.

The whisper of distress becomes a noise then it became a roar, words are powerful, we all have them, we all can see can feel but most of the time we don’t use our words, because we are scared, we are confused we are alone, we are powerless. But if we find the voice inside us, if we listen to the words around us then we can see we are not alone, we are not weak, we have the power that no one can imagine, in a breaking point of all the pain & all torment, we roar in one voice and we use our words that can make us free; that can change the circle & only that can turn the fear around. With the right word, we can destroy or create anything, but if we don’t use them or lost them on the way we will always be at the end of a sharp sword, we will always be in dark and we will always be subject to brutality. Words can change it all if we let it become a thunder. 

Life & Death!!!!!

Life & Death!!

“Death” one of the most discussed, feared, intriguing subject of all time, we humans who have power of thinking, from the mere beginning we talk about death one way or another. We fear it, we dread it, some people even get overcurious about it, some even worship it, but whatever we do we just wait for it consciously or unconsciously and one day it comes knocking on the door. But it is same for any other animal or living thing on this earth. Ever stars die, so why we waste so many time thinking about something inevitable. On the other hand we all born, live, we have a life, but we don’t care much about it, we take our life for granted and fear death.

There is man I know, live in a safe house, I mean literally safe house that he built for himself, no sharp objects, no dust, nothing merely dangerous because he has a phobia about dying. He is so afraid of death that he had two strokes already. So what is he actually doing by living in fear? He is killing his life, he is allowing the fear to poison his mind and he is wasting his precious life every day.  

What is scary about death? Sometime in the morning while sunrise, if I am awake (that doesn’t happen so often) the beauty of the morning the brightness, the sweetness in the breeze, the smell of flowers, the clear sky makes me so happy, but the thought of leaving all these things behind one day makes me sad too, I love life, love this earth everything around me so leaving all these and go somewhere completely unknown or just ceased to exist doesn’t seem fare. Human being don’t like unknown things, that is why we all try to find answers all the time, to get a clear idea, but we don’t have any clear idea about death. Religions trued to help by giving some answers but there are no definite one, all of them are just depends on faith not on facts that is why we are all scared of the mere idea of leaving everything we know we love everything that we are behind, and move on to something completely new, or simply just vanish in this universe.

Immortality is a subject that we often fantasized about, but even there we put an end somehow. Every moment of this life that I have, breathing in & out, thinking, living, dreading, stress, happiness, sorrow, anger, love, care all of it is very important because it can end any second, that we all know, the smile on face of our loved ones, the smell of my favorite flower, the sound of rain everything is so much special because we are not immortal. We are part of this universe, that is changing and growing but we come & we leave, we born & we die, both of them are miracle in a way. Without sadness there never can be happiness, without tears there’s no need of a smile, without hate we don’t feel love, so without death there is no life. It’s like a wonderful journey & every journey starts somewhere & it must end. We just don’t know where we are going that’s all.