Chocolate ice cream or Life…!!!

Chocolate ice cream or Life…!!!

If life is a game then I am a gamer, if life is a dream then I am a dreamer, if life is a race then I am a racer, but if life turns out to be  butterscotch ice cream then I am an ice cream hater. Why shouldn’t I hate butterscotch? I only understand chocolate don’t I??? There are different types of chocolate and I love all of them. But I most like the bitter ones. They are not fake, not sugar coated or sickly sweet which makes me nauseous. I love life because it is exactly like bitter chocolate, never too sweet, sugar coated but bitter, but tasty, with hints of surprises like little chocolate chips hidden inside.

Being alive is awesome, breathing in and out, the blood rushing in my veins, the warm feeling inside me, everything is just great. Even the pain and sorrow makes this life poetic, we can taste our happiness after the veil of sadness lifts. Though I hate so many things and so many people, mainly I hate people who hate other people, which is funny and ironic. But still I love more, though love does scares me. I fear the broken heart and pain that often comes with love. But I like to glide by, not lingering anywhere for long.

Rushing ahead, facing the road, driving at the highest speed, race and race ahead, every moment every cell in my body, every breath is rushing away, or its just dying, life is a road which always ends in death, which seems like a big stop sign or nothing. A horrible nothingness, a stop sign, no more race no more dreams no nothing, or that we all fear. Death is a mystery while life is ours to have, to explore, to live, to love, to smile or to cry. You are not completely alive if you never smiled like a crazy person, or cried like a broken sky, or shouted like thunder, dreamt impossible dreams, loved madly, if we miss any one of these then our loss.

Life is beautiful, it is scary, it is dangerous, depressing, infuriating, and it is love it is sunshine and rainbows and wild flowers, it is total madness and it is complete serenity it is everything. If death is nothing then life is everything, a bowl of chocolate ice cream with chocolate chip cookies hidden inside. I love life I love living I maybe when time comes I will love death too, but for now I am rushing ahead, full speed, and there is no stop sign, not yet…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Living dead…!!!!! Oh not really!!!

Living dead…!!!!! Oh not really!!!

Can you tell me that you are alive? How do you know that? Are you thinking now, then it’s a start, maybe you are alive after all, undead zombies cannot think, can they? They just grunt and slouch and look for brains to eat and turn other people into zombies, they have only one goal that is creating more of them, build a hoard and eat more brains. Living and thinking both are not easy, when we try to live as we want it creates problem for others, when we think differently it also creates problems for others, if you are not a member of a hoard or group (A huge one of that) you can’t do either in peace. Some people think that all of us should be alike, talk alike more or less look alike and think (Better Not Think!!) alike. What is the fun in that? Then meeting someone new would be devastatingly boring, it would be like talking to oneself. May be they will just grunt…

I never liked zombies, they always gives me the creeps, eating brains? Why? Brains are the best part of a person, take that then what matters? Vampires are cleaver, got style, they know how to live or be undead in style, though the sun troubles them but they don’t destroy brains. Ghosts are cool too, they cry and wail much but they don’t bite or make you wail in the same way. Any other monster is better than a zombie. We are alive we have a working brain, then why not use it more often (Not For snacking!) we can think, we can imagine, we can create, it supposed be different, same things are not art they are  a system they are organizations they are institutions, art is free, unique, different. Life is unique, playful, different full of crazy weird surprises, sometime it can hit hard like the mighty hammer of Thor but most of the time its fun.

Destroying brains, grunting, creating hoards could be a safe option for some people but it would turn you into a dead one. We can be silent like the dead, death doesn’t discriminate, it takes everyone under its dark wing one time or another, but why hurry? Why live in a dark shadow while breathing? why be so timid and why look for groups why not be unique and different like a brilliant work of art? Why we have this constant irritating need to be same? Why scared of change why scared of moving forward? Fear is the first symptom of being a zombie, then grunting comes naturally. Then you will try to eat anything with a working brain and that would be uncomfortable for everyone.  

So are you alive? Are you different or a part of a hoard? Do you have a overwhelming craving for destroying and devouring a good brain? Do you grunt a lot? Then you are already gone, you can be a danger for people around you still with a working brain. People fear a zombie apocalypse but is it not already happening around us? Don’t we know people who already act like they are dead? Or they just ate their brain for lunch ? Fear is the first symptom I said, and it is, fear is dangerous it can make you do anything; it can turn you into anything if you don’t rein it or stump on it. Fear always affects the brain first then it destroys the body. 

Love & Hate…!!!

Love & Hate…!!! 

It’s been very long since I wrote something; the reason is not the scarcity of thoughts but the opposite. The current political social situation of our beloved earth is extremely critical, though with humans all around what else could we expect? But still what to write and what not? What I should talk about and what I should ignore. I can say that I am apolitical but it will be a lie that most people like to say. Better to live in denial than accepting the truth. But it is painful, not physically but mentally it is painful to witness so much despair, hatred and frustration all around. We are the creature of violence and war, we pretend to crave peace and stability, unity & love and all things good and shiny, but actually we are hungry for carnage, bloodshed and misery. We thrive in destruction, many of us try to pretend to be different, they try so hard but at the end of the day hatred wins. Love loses everything; unity becomes the key for destruction.

How strange the word love is, it is only thing that can be infinite, we can love thousands and thousands more still there will be plenty to give, it supposed to be unconditional, but we often confused it with obsession or craving or mere possession. We treat love like a thing to gain, a matter to conquer, a thing to have. But it is not anything to have or to crave it just love, it is literally supposed to be peace and it is not gaining it is just feeling. But we are materialistic animals we just understand having something or not having it, it is simple as that. Just a thing to possess, It’s not unconditional not infinite it is narrow and pathetic like we believe it to be.

Where love is strange to us, Hate in the other hand is very similar to our nature, it is also unconditional, unreasonable, and infinite and it is easy to hate. Hate makes us think that we are in power, we are right, the person we hate is wrong and even their existence is somehow a mistake; hate suits our god complex very well. We have so many reasons to hate someone, not my favorite color, not right shape, not right looks, different believes, different desires, not liking the same cuisine, not have same dreams anything not like mine I can hate, because mine is right, others are simply wrong. How can we love to discriminate so much?

Why we discriminate? Why we hate anything different than ours? Are we that scared of anything new, or don’t have enough self-confidence? What is lacking in us that we can see only emptiness? We have so many reasons to hate, but only one reason to love, just to love itself. Love is very hard, it means first loving oneself, having no self-pity or insecurity, to love we need a clear mind, a peaceful mind, that is maybe no longer possible for us. We need stuff, we have stuff, we buy, we sell, we conquer, we snatch, we destroy but we don’t love, we can’t love, not anymore. We can hate, and we are watching everyday, on every news channel, on every newspaper how good we can hate, how we can hate life, this beautiful world, how we hate our future our present our children, how well we can hate ourselves. We are sad, we are angry & we are hungry for hatred.

Fear is growing and so the hate is going to get stronger and stronger, we can all pretend and hide behind our cowardice we can deny all but still, we are living in fear, and it is the symptom of a diseases, a terrible pandemic that is spreading like wildfire, Hate is a strong virus that is effecting us all. We need Love now more than ever, unconditional love infinite love only then we can have peace. But even now in my heart I know how stupid I must sound. Babbling of a crazy person, even in my heart hate is winning, everything I am seeing around me I can feel mu hatred getting strong by that. Hate is easy its everywhere even in some illusion of love there is hate. Love is losing the battle, but no!!! love is not losing, but we are, we are losing love, and we are going to lose peace. Then we will only have to pretend for eternity, pretend to have peace, we are already pretending to love so we are almost there.

                                                                                                            

Random Thoughts…!!!

Random Thoughts…!!!

It’s been a very long time, I did not have any spare time to write random thoughts, it’s all in my brain screaming to come out, and really sometime it is very crucial to write just to clear the head. There are so many things to do in so little time, I am talking about life, we don’t have very much of it. Most of it we spent in preparation for a good life, then struggle to have a good life, and in the end we think did we really had a good life??…boom…...life is gone; no one knows what lies ahead. Maybe something maybe nothing, but for sure, what we have is here now with us, our dreams, our thoughts, and our love. What we wanna do, what we will do, how can we be truly happy?????

Happiness is a strange thing, different for everyone, it is a state of mind but the things around us influence it, we can’t be happy with nothing, though that is what we need, just a happy mind. Kids can be happy so easily, little love, small things, anything can make them smile, but as we grow up we lose that simplicity, we get our selves tangle in materialistic needs, complicated things, little things don’t make us happy anymore, nothing can sometimes.

We think we are superior to other animals, maybe we are maybe not, but we are certainly not happy than any other animal. We are a miserable bunch, always fighting, hating each other for no reason, making each other miserable just for fun, how can someone’s happiness can depend on someone else’s sorrow. That is just extremely sad and horrific.

We have this amazing chance to be alive, to see this beautiful world, rich cultures all around, we can make history; we can be immortal through our works and dreams. The colors the vibrant rhythm of this life, the music of civilization we can witness all this, the whole earth is full of life, love, brightness, dreams it is breathing and living all around us, we are part of something much bigger than anything, is it not enough to be happy, how can anything dim our happiness which is already was within since the day we born. How come we lose it along the way? We think we need so many things to be happy but all we need is a glance around this world, to the blue sky; feel the rain, stand bare foot in the green soft grass. There is nothing to be happy if we can’t see that, we were happy we just need to remember…!!!

Conspiracy….!!!! Or just ignore it…!!!

Conspiracy….!!!! Or just ignore it…!!!

Conspiracy is a funny word and also very popular one, especially in this era. Some people tend to see conspiracy everywhere, hidden like layers after layers in this very society, people like that often known as paranoid, imaginative etc. etc. There are also people who can’t even recognize a real conspiracy even when standing in the middle of it. Standing in the eye of the storm and thinking “what a beautiful day..!!”, those people known as ignorant. But conspiracy is not a plot or imagination it has been a way of living for us, we the people, human beings, always trying to control everything around us. But not all of us have that kind of power to create a big conspiracy with multiple layers, but we all have our hidden agendas, and we try to hide that as much as we can. But there are people that don’t need to hide their agendas they can control the means and result by a series of events that may seem unconnected, random but actually like a spider web, a tiny vibration in any end & the spider will have its pray. It seems scary to think we are a part of a conspiracy or part of more than one, just pawns in a big game without even realizing it, having string attached and a hidden puppeteer or more than one. Or may be random is just random, no hidden picture no layers no conspiracy at all.

But wishful thinking is a curse, looking at an event and trying to see the dominoes effect just speculating what this single event can achieve in a long run, why this happened? Do anything happen just for the sake of the happening? May be not, there is always a reason, a plot a story behind every word people speak, people do in every action there is thousands probable reaction but there are people who can control the probability, manipulating little things without being noticed, people tend to see a parade with more attention than a man walking alone. A good conspiracy is never obvious never reveal its patterns easily but one can see if they know where to look. 

It is fun to analyze an event, speculating the next move the next result, connecting the dots that look so random. It is not a matter of be clear or be simple, everything is simple, just simplicity is complex. Why someone saying that thing? What is his hidden agenda? I have many hidden agendas, so other people must have that too, so what to trust? Be suspicious is not something I would recommend it is bad for sleeping. But trusting?? Is that good for health?? I don’ know, may be ignorance is bliss after all. But chess is an interesting game, some people use real life to create a good game, it is better not to become someone else’s pawn, it is little more interesting to look for the big picture not just a puzzle piece. Everything is very simple that nothing really is, it can never be. We all lie, we all have hidden agendas, we all try to be a puppeteer but most of us don’t have the means to that, but people with power can, so we need to look to the events the actions, listen to the words carefully of the powerful people then look beyond present & try probability. It is a fun game thinking, it keeps the brain warm and it is never boring and in a long run it can predict the pattern of an ongoing conspiracy. 

Living in a Nightmare..!!!!

Living in a Nightmare..!!!!

I am having frequent nightmares, every time I close my eyes I woke up with a start & sweat but I forget what I have been dreaming about. Still I crave for a sleep and dreams, but I don’t know what I am seeing in my dreams and what is making me so afraid!  Once I thought I have to remember what I am dreaming, it is happening in my brain so I have to train it to remember. I tried and tried one-step at a time; I started to remember glimpses of my dream. Then one day I remember all of it. I was not having a nightmare I was alive, having a life, a beautiful Utopian life, with bright light, love, laughter and peace. The sun shining bright with a pleasant warm feeling, the moon in the night so silvery and gentle, I read, I sing I smile and wonder about anywhere I want, but then I come to a dreadful realization that I am dreaming, this happy place is not my life it is not anybody’s life, it cannot be reality, it is a dreamworld a neverland one must call it that I read in the stories. The land I live never known peace, though it craved for it, the sun shines but with hate and anger, people can’t read, sing or say anything that they want, if they are nobody then they don’t matter, if their words don’t match to the beliefs of the people with deadly weapons they must die like nothing. Here one word is enough reason to kill someone. But we are well designed to withstand any violence nay inhumanity, maybe we died one day without realizing, that is why nothing affects us, we hardly ever scream in desperation, we hardly ever cry for anything real. We are more evolved now, emotionless machines. And among us who accidentally left with little emotion and not quite machine yet we kill them, we try to kill their mind or their body, though mind is more important and dangerous because a creative, curious, rebellious mind can infect many more so kill the mind, the body will die eventually. But do machines dream? May be they do, may be the evolution is not yet done. Maybe we are still a little human inside.

We scared of death, because we don’t know what is waiting for us behind the dark veil, but what if we know where we were going back if we woke up? In a dream that so beautiful and peaceful waking up is a curse and it is heartbreaking and terrifying, it is bad not knowing but it is much more worst that knowing where we are and where we have to live in fear in hate in despair, we cannot avoid, we cannot change. So I woke up terrified with a start and my brain forgets the wonderful dream just to remain sane in this cruel brutal reality. In dreams I live, and I die when I wake up. 

Children of Fear & Blood!!!!

Children of Fear & Blood!!!!

Do you still believe in humanity? Do you live a peaceful life? Does your heart still beat for others? Then I don’t know where you live, because where I am from there is no humanity left, hearts are cold, no one knows what peace actually means, maybe we can dream about it or read in books but we don’t know what it is. Where I live there is only bloodshed, violence, hate, the eyes are full of anger & frustration. Hearts are bleeding, on the roads on the clothes even the sky is red, can’t you see? Then maybe you are blind, or just shut your eyes close, may be you are thinking if you can’t see the monster then the monster will leave you alone. May be you can ignore it as much as possible to make it go away. It is scary to look, all we know all we hope for all we have left is already gone, with every bullet that took an innocent life we lose everything pure everything sweet, every drop of humanity now gone, with every scream with every drop of tear we are dying in agony.

When we read in the paper something scary or saw a horrible video still our hearts don’t skip a beat, still our eyes don’t get teary then it is all done, we are the children of fear and blood, we cope in this world, we don’t even close our eyes anymore, we relish in pain, we learned to smile in face of death. Do you still know what’s joy looks like on the face of innocence?  Do you feel the love around you? Then I envy you, I envy the world where still humanity can be found. But not here our dreams are even bloody now. We are walking like corpses only flesh & blood no feeling no soul inside, we growl we eat we breathe we spread poison in the air. We don’t get scared any more, we don’t even flinch, we are the children of fear & blood; we are habituated with violence, we now look in the eyes of the monster & welcome it to devour us. We relish pain, we have nothing left inside anymore, with every bullet, every scream, every tear of the innocence we created our own hell and now there is no way to escaping the horrible destiny that we made for us. Any road we are going to choose will lead us to the same point. So I ask you again, do you know what is peace? What is humanity? Or what is love? Then you must be in a different world because we don’t have that anymore.