A Perfect Treat…..Barfi!!!

A Perfect Treat…..Barfi!!!

At last watched Barfi….what a sweet movie, I don’t know how many times I cried or just smiled, this movie made me feel so many emotion, love, friendship, trust and hope. After so long time, a good movie touched my heart. Some scenes were incredible; especially when in last Jhilmil (Priyanka) was trying to guard Barfi (Ranbir) from Shruti (Ileana), the journey and bonding between Barfi and Jhilmil, and the feeling of love overcoming all barriers, the sacrifices  everything a very joyful movie. The actors were at their best according to me, some scenes made me smile without realizing it. This movie made my evening.

Personally I never loved tragedy or the simple love stories, ending without happiness never works for me, and I don’t like to be sad in the ending just not for me, though according to Shelley “Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.” still life is full of struggles and sadness but to survive this reality I need some hope and happy endings, but too simple also not my cup of tea. I watch so many movies but very few of them make me feel, and Barfi was one of them.

Some of the critics I hear, pointing out the similarities of some scenes with famous movies, those classics are well known to everyone, “singing in The Rain’’ I adore, but another movie “the Artist” when I saw I felt somewhat known kind of like the “Singing in the Rain” kind of, not really, that is the point, in any good movies we can see the shadows of the past classics, it is inevitable, but in the end it’s all about the fresh movie and its story, the hope and joy in it and Barfi has all of the qualities of a good movie.

The pure love without any expectations and reasons is rare now a days, giving love with the whole heart and more without anything in return is rare and dream for everyone, but this movie pointed out the emptiness of our lives, without a true and pure companion, just for the sake of love and friendship and trust, being complete and perfect with whole human body doesn't makes one’s life perfect, being completely a disaster can bring sometime world of happiness just to be positive.

That is all I wanted to say, I felt this movie, cried and smiled with it, I am not a cinema expert but I am a movie lover and so far I am in love with this new Bollywood Anurag Basu’s movie Barfi!!!!

With a vacant past!!!

With a vacant past!!!

Tradition strange word in some sense, for some people or foe even me it may means sometimes rules and restriction and the absence of freedom, why in this changing world I have to follow the past traditions? But sometimes it seems like only way to connect with our ancestors. Yesterday I was watching a program in or a documentary about the Italian bread makers family, from a very old times they are making breads and that is their tradition, grandpa to the next generation to the next and so on, the making comes easy to them like breathing that is the thing made me sad. My mother is a teacher my dad is a writer, my uncle work in bank; another uncle is a clerk and so on. The mobility in the works is there and also necessary for surviving in this hard economic conditions, beggars cannot be choosers right?

Means that, to survive we must do some job, any job that we can get out hands on, so how can we even think of tradition? What my ancestors did, I cannot follow because the world changed a lot, and I am without any tradition from my past. It is a shame really, that I know very little about my own family history, I am a sucker for history that is my forte, but still the history of my family I cannot reconstruct, I don’t have enough material to start, I don’t have any tradition left.

The bedtime stories from grandma grandpa, their memories heard by the little kids like sharing a lifetime sharing every experience and wisdom with the young generation, and like that story goes on, truth facts turned into folklore, and legends but somewhere in there the truth lives, like a treasure in the end of a clue chain. I never got chance to learn my family story from my grandpa from both sides, my family tradition lost with their last breath, I don’t even have the pictures, I can I the time when they lived did not have millions of cameras like today, maybe there were portraits of them but lost in time and turbulence.

The bread maker family, made me realizes that I learnt nothing from my ancestors I never had the tradition of my family, never knew them really, who were they? What sort of person? How was their life?  I know nothing, just living in present looking towards the future but with a vacant past a blurry past, how could a tree possibly touch the sky without the strong roots beneath the ground?

As I said before tradition is a complicated word, it’s not always mean chains, and rituals and restriction sometimes it is just only a way to connect with the past, without the time machine!! I don’t have that luxury, like my huge family lost in time my story the lives of my ancestors are also lost, I cannot do anything to change that, I will never know what was my family’s forte, how they started their lives. I know how human being evolved or the history throughout the age, from prehistory to proto- history, to ancient to modern but I don’t know the history of my own family, sound selfish in a bigger picture but what I can do man is a selfish animal after all. And here I stand all alone a new me with a new future ahead with no visible roots, just biological traits in the genes but no tradition.

Today

Today

Once everything was…

Like today, all the songs left behind

all the love once felt

all those roads lead toward

Today…..

Where I stand, still cold

like I was before,

Warmth, all the sweet songs

All those reminiscences are

looking for me.

They don’t belong here

today…

They are the forgotten things,

they were alive once,

all the way that journey I was on,

lead me here today….

Past is fading, some memories

not worth keeping, so standing still,

cold and mystified.

Today I shall sing a new song

for a brand new journey ahead….

Where is my motherland???

Where is my motherland???

It’s been a very long time since I really looked in the reality around me, the newspapers, breaking news on TV, ignored all of them for a long time. I heard about them, read them even watched them but didn’t feel anything. The news around us on TV or on paper all of them like a constant horror show, unending darkness, killing, rapes, low living everywhere. May be it is the same feeling like living in a dark age. May be it is a dark age, why not? Every characteristic is here, all the brutality, corruption, political circus; innocent blood is spilling all over our society, so why not calling it a dark age? Denying it will not help us, though accepting the truth may create a hope for change.

It is not like the slogans of the political parties around us, they just want the power, the money, want to be rich, other than that nothing else matters to them, the great democracy of our country is in hands of some delusional persons, the job should be done, is nothing to them but a joke, the country its people, its hopes and future everything is a game of power to them. The news around us the reality proves this every day, when a girl in this age in 2012 can’t even walk home safely in night from work, it’s not about the darkness of nature not about the nights it is all pointing towards the darkness inside us, the dark ness growing by the minute by this corrupt system.

What about us? We just watch the news, read them and feel nothing, we felt something before, many years before, but now it is the reality, we are slowly subjugating to the large destructing pattern of a this fake system, we are nothing but toys in the hands of power crazy filthy rich people, we are living in nothing, for nothing, reacting to nothing, without even feeling anything. It is like the slow invasion of corruption, the Dark Age we are facing today mock us every moment by snatching the hopes dreams, innocent life the future of the nation from our hands, but we sit still with blank looks.

Why we don’t demand for a normal life, an equal society a logical life standard for us, we deserve that don’t we? Why our children the future of this country still has to die in hospitals without proper treatment? Why our young minds don’t get a proper education? Why a common man has no right to dream or to live happily? We are compromising everyday every moment because somewhere our leaders, our politicians are failing us, they are living for only their pockets, and we are suffering the consequences.

Not everyone sit still or stay quiet, but as soon as a voice emerge every one try to prohibit it try to intimidate the voice try to kill it by the name of law, some contemporary cases shows that, even making cartoons or expressing true feelings is now against the nation. but we are the voice of nation we are the living expression of this nation so why we have to die everyday? why we are letting our motherland dying with us every moment we stay still we let others kill our voice in front of us.

Who makes the nation? The common people does, millions of them make a glorious nation with their hopes and dreams, not few leaders or rich men so why we cannot speak or cannot draw cannot express our feelings it is our nation our mother land our ancestors gave their life the free it from the slavery of a foreign country so why we will be slave again in our own birthplace? I ignored the news the darkness for a long time because I forgot that it is my country too, so now this is my voice “give me back my motherland…I want to live like a human not like a slave anymore, I can speak, I can see,  I can feel and I shall express it”

Never again

Never again

What are you afraid of?

The raging fire inside me scares you?

or the anger the mounted feeling ready

to explode threatens you?

Not your fault nevertheless

It scares me too, the emotional

Storm inside my brain,

every tissue is burning,

a living hell, inside me.

Who would not be scared?

Fear is something I always been scared of

but my anger, my raging feelings, 

stored emotions

Makes me afraid without my concern;

Or it is all a silly excuse to escape from the

Inevitable, the ground plan of the universe,

a cruel unending game of fate; the destiny?

No more Never…….

I am denying all unknown, unseen powers around me

No eternal system, no universal plan, no fate

Only me, my desires, my feeling, my words

What are you waiting for, shout with your full energy

deny me once again ignore my anger

my fears, but not my mind

Not my soul, not going to obey you blindly,

If fear is disgusting then flattery is murder the soul

What are you afraid of?

Sure you can be, I am not stopping you

Not assuring you either

Be afraid be scared…be all those pathetic things

Just do not include me in your foul design……No more, Never again

The Unending Search!!

The Unending Search!!

Whatever is the outside may seem, no one can imagine the storm inside the mask of normality. It is true same thing about ocean and human mind. I can pretend to be happy or calm or at peace with everything but in night when want to sleep all the restless feelings come to surface and I just try to find my good night sleep. It’s all in the mind. Wisdom comes with age and experience and what I got? A lot of anger no patience no self-control only millions of thoughts. Many of them are useless in my daily life, there is no need to think and suffer but still.

It is always frustrating when we search for ourselves. Who am I? What I am looking for in this life? What I supposed to do? May be nothing magnificent may be just living and breathing is all what I suppose to do, nothing big or complicated or philosophical, but still humankind is always been imaginative, living in unnatural hope, so here I am still looking for all the answers of my weird questions. Something never changes.

I don’t know actually what kind of person I am, am I rude or nice or just pretend to be the both as situation needs, am I cleaver or stupid, smart or delusional, what political view inspire me in the core who I am really? I don’t know yet, I am on journey to finding that out, one day may be with my last breath on this glorious universe I will know, but it is in future. Now in present I am feeling confused and frustrated, all thing jumbling up around me, what I want to do is run, as far as possible I want to escape from all of life realities and trouble and confusions, but that I cannot do or I won’t do, may I am that sort of person who constantly want to runway but never does in reality.

I am looking for answers, some peace of mind want to be calm but not finding the proper way, I am not a person of faith, asking question analyzing everything is in my nature so how I will be at peace, peace first need total surrender to something total ignorance or total knowledge, to be most stupid or be most wise, I am standing in between, so peace is nothing like close to me.

What sort of person I am selfish or selfless? May be little bit of both, don’t know, am I socialist or bourgeois? I don’t know, I believe in equality sure I do but still want to get a better job than many others so maybe I am not socialist can’t be in theory. I ask about nature don’t believe in miracles see a man as a man nothing more, myth as history in disguise and legends as a story derailed so I am not religious, but in my troubles I seek advice from my lord Krishna which is   contradictory to my other thoughts, so here it is all so unclear and confusing.

I don’t know when exactly I will know who I am or what sort of person I am, but it is far from now, still searching for something but don’t know what, what will put my mind in peace when will I sleep easily just closing the eyes in seconds, don’t know. My mask of normality never really show the storm inside me, even sometimes the thunder shock me, the storm inside my brain is I am that is me still in making waiting to be complete. I have born in this universe, but still not ready completely.

The Inner Voice !!

The Inner Voice !!

What does having a voice actually feels? What is actually the voice of a mind? Roaring across the whole existence, like a magnificent drum roll, that means the silence is over, the storm has come to destroy all the old and rotten things, and going to create something new, something fresh, something worth living for. We all somewhat afraid to change in a large scale; but changing is the nature of this universe we cannot deny that, can we? Destruction is only the beginning the first step of creation, then constant change the journey through evolution, the basic nature of all spices is nomadic, exploring changing according to the nature is very much our natural instinct, but sometimes we just don’t remember the feeling of our natural inner self, the blurry vision of our connection with the cosmic world the connection with the always changing universe stays hidden in some fake believes and artificial nature and rules we created through the years, just to control what is around us making it safe and secure by denying our most prominent nature changing. Doing something new and exciting is always an option for us, and most of us just don’t choose it, because we are afraid of taking the next step.

But we are on the edge, we can either go ahead or stay still for the rest of the time, but time is limitless it is not limited like our life, don’t have boundaries we can deny it, ignore it but not like we can stop it. The voice is inside all of our heads; it’s the nature, it is the natural instinct that knocks on our consciousness once in a while, it is our connection to the constantly shaping universe, some stars are dying some are just new born the rushing blazing meteors all we can feel in our veins in our heart by rushing blood all over our body to our mind and all the existing cells.

Just being alive, means we have a voice; it is like a constant rushing waterfall, can put it in a dam but cannot stop it forever, it will come out with all of its natural power and voice is exactly like that, we cannot keep it quiet for a very long time it is not in his nature to tame. We can be scared we can be confuse, we can even be ignorant but inside all of us is a stream of energy the stream of power the power of change exist how deep it is buried but once in a right time in a precise moment all of the going to come like a ancient storm to destruct all old and scrappy and blurry thing and going to create a new base for a new existence that is evolution that is the constant changing nature of our universe, and so that is our inner voice, never dead, always ready to rise up, from the very graveyard of our mind where we put it for a very long time.

One chapter from my story!!

One chapter from my story

I always believed, that life is a fiction, full of drama, adventure, exploration and mystery, with a great storyline, never looked it as a reality show, maybe I am a theatrical person, can’t deny that, emotional rollercoaster and lots of expression is really fun for me. Still it is, maybe this sounds a lot crazy, but it is like a movie without any proper background music, and no one knows what will be the climax or when? In my life all the pieces just fits together in the big picture, how I am today those little scenes decided, the bad or good experiences were really necessary, but some of them really sucked big-time, some of them were sweeter than a cheesy movie line or honey.

What I want or what I need never matched, I needed oxygen, education, food on my plate, love from my parents, some friends some enemy here and there some strangers and I got all that, but what I want is a totally different story, maybe impractical even crazy for me to write or say loudly. It is funny, and that is why I call my life fiction, cause all I do is imagine what I want to do, and how will I achieve all that, but sometimes don’t really appreciates what I got and what I needed. May be my father is right that in this age everyone dreams crazy and feel the life as a fiction but with time everything just round up in reality and only we get what we need not what we want, but it is the wisdom of my parents, and I am not wise enough, what a joke I have no, even little bit of a wise bone in my body, also still this life seems to me as a big old fiction novel whose main character is me and full of drama and mystery all around with different chapters.

I miss my grandma (mamma) for all the fiction in my life, I really miss her a lot, she was the first person who told me stories, the character larger than life, and she could tell story nonstop, as a child I believed she did her majors in storytelling, but now I can see she was a genius, who was able to makeup stories nonstop for her granddaughter, she always made me the centre character so still I do or believe. Told here before that, what I need I got, and every part of my life just fit marvelously, every person came to my life had a proper reason or lesson to teach me, one of the most important character among them was my Mamma (grandma), a very big emotional piece of my life, it was a lifetime for me full of stories and love. But it is really very hard for me that I lost her when I was in class six, in a morning my mother told me that she was gone, I didn’t cry, why I don’t know, I was just sat and looked around, but never cried like I should have, now tears rolls down from my eyes whenever I talk about her but not back then, I never believed that she is really gone or even that is possible for someone so loving to leave the love ones behind just like that, it was not a happy ending so I denied it as any ending at all. I have pictures of my Mamma but not a picture together not that memory of both of us is in my hand, just in my brain and heart. I wonder now why I did not cry like hell, my heart is still broken a little because I had very little time with her but it was a full chapter of my novel.

I don’t know when my story will end and how it will end and what else I am going to find in-between, but some chapter of my story is very precious to me, among of which I wrote about today, the chapter was full of the memory and love of my Mamma.

Bad day with injured heart!

Bad day with injured heart!

Some days are plain old bad, like today, I was shopping groceries, walking down the street, it was a charming morning, everyone seems usually busy but suddenly I saw a cow, injured right in the leg, it was a pretty bad cut, the poor cow was walking with her three legs looking for food on the roadside. It was a heart breaking scene for me but the worst part I couldn’t do anything, it was a big good healthy cow and the injury was recent I guessed, no owner was nearby, there is no institution that could help voluntarily   a injured animal, I felt disgusting cause I am a human but could not even help a poor animal in need. It is a huge failure to me, since then I am trying to shake that nasty feeling but just that poor animal flashing in my mind. I know how pathetic it must sound, maybe I did not try something else, and I should have.

Road is not a place for animals roaming free, they should live in a secure shade or in a field not walking scavenging in the road side and eating garbage, plastics and papers, that is simply cruel. We Hindus worship cow as mother still keep them in a hell like situation, same with other animals too. The dogs, man’s best friends, but only the well bread dogs get a good life, but what about street dogs? No one give food to them they have to steel or snatch or just die of hunger but we could not care less. In my neighborhood there were some puppies no one adopted them, they always came in lunch time for food and we gave them, shared some food with them which they loved, shaking their tail looking in to our eyes seemed happy, I gave them names, they were weak and in very bad shape, it was winter so some of us built a shade for them, but they were not pets, so they used to live in the whole neighborhood area, I was out for one and a half month for study, after coming back they were gone, I looked for them they should be much bigger by that time but there were no sign of them, my father told me some people from our neighborhood poisoned them cause they were disturbing there sleep in night, it was horrendous for me, I guess now they are sleeping pretty well.

 This is the cruelty that really haunts me, what species do I belong, human beings suppose to take care of the lesser species should not they? We are the most intelligent species more evolved but did we really evolve to a good species? We just use to hunt defenseless animals just for fun and excitement still in this age many people do the same without any regret. There’s a saying that ‘great power comes with great responsibility’ we have great power but do we really fulfilling our proper responsibility? I did not today, I did nothing for that poor cow, couldn't do why I was helpless don’t really matters, I just did not do anything and maybe I will feel bad for this for a very long time ahead, writing this down may calm my mind little bit but really doing nothing injures my heart more than a real cut.

Unstable Mind!!!

Unstable Mind

I just think sometimes how it would feel if I can do or can say anything of my mind without polishing it up or faking all the time. From the morning till the night all we do is pretend, pretend to be smart, civilized, calm, all those we are not, but denying the inner self which is wild happy and exciting. I can write it now but after writing all these word I will be back to the basic pretending game again, only say things that other people would appreciate in appropriate manner, it is life it is what being civilized means can’t deny that, can we? It will be a chaotic situation if everyone starts to say or things of their mind without considering others, but some moments are just should only to ourselves only to listen and obey our mind our feelings not faking anything. It is refreshing to act exactly how I am feeling inside, it is also funny. All good things are funny or sweet, and all bad things are grumpy and boring.

 We can say that I am not a political person, but it will be a huge lie, we all do politics, we all are diplomat somehow, we talk, we plan, we manipulate people, and all of us want to shape situation according to our own needs, so how can we say that we are not political?   Human mind is a complex thing and we created our society very intricately, with so many rules dynamics, patterns, and consequences, that natural instinct is not very common to us anymore, we do live in a complicated atmosphere and so we do stuff politically, little or in a bigger manner we all do politics. It comes naturally to us what is not natural to us is act normally just act like we feel.

 Doing things according to a fix rule, or act as planed before, is a safe way to do stuffs, but doing something new out of the box, totally different, is not a easy, that needs a brave heart a little bit of a crazy mind, a dreamer. The earth evolves a star dies a universe change, time passes nothing is stable but in a small life time we humans thing all around us all the rules, all the rituals all the social norms like it always been the same and will be, but it is a illusion, nothing stays same forever, it is the greatest gift of nature, the uncertainty of living. We can do new things dream new things, believe in new ideas we can break our barrier and can be free.

I am a normal person, going to live a tiny life comparing to this huge universe, nothing around me is stable or forever, I am not bound in anything everything is changing around me the stars the universe the nature so why I have to be so settle so calm and so safe all the time?

Silence!! But, for how long ???

Silence!! But, for how long ???

Silence is a very bad habit for both of them, bad for those who are just keeping their mouth shut and those who just assumed that, who are not saying anything are can’t even feel anything. So a huge misunderstanding can be created by all this keeping a silence thing. Why a fully grown person just chooses to keep their mouth shut along with their mind? Why? It is an interesting question, why? Because of inner fear? Clueless attitude or just disappointing life makes a person so numb that saying something just makes no sense to him. May be, but when someone just believes that people are not saying or shouting so they are not feeling anything or nor watching or understanding anything then it is very pathetic for both of them. A constant ignorant can also weakens some loud voices some shouts just echo everywhere but can’t properly make a roar.

What makes a nation? The people the common men or just the machine which mean to run the system that’s all? But no sometime the machine runs without any aim and the people keep all the sound down may be to keep peace or just be calm or just waiting for the right moment to talk all together. I wonder for a very long time that why I should live every moment in this in my own country in fear, in every step fear is lurking around, women are scared to live the people are scared to ask for their truthful rights, creativity is scared to expressing something all of us living like half dead zombies somehow. But why? What is wrong? May be being scared we all just made ourselves weaker more than ever, that is why when someone from us do something worth doing feels alone in the crowd and system grind them like veggies in a mixer grinder it is a creepy analogy though but still familiar with us.

It’s been a very long time we spend in silence, in fake peace in a illusion, in stupid fear without a life force without a proper energy without a back bone, in this way many thinks that no one is feeling anything, or not watching their dirty unmoral works not going to say anything like always but may be sometimes all misunderstanding are meant to be clear out, silence for a very long time can simply be misunderstood as weakness, but after a long silence always a huge storm waits just around the corner...

The Weird Man

The Weird Man

It was a long day, not all days are long like this, but some of them just... lost words again. Not in a very good mood either, Joy normally is a happy, good moody person but still not all days are alike. Some days are just so so …..lost the words in the head again. It happens to everyone, but to Joy it is happening much more often now a days. Not finding proper words could not hurt anyone else more than  struggling writer. May be not struggling anymore, still it is a good modest word to describe oneself, being connected to the ground and all. All have been saying that Joy is more cocky than ever now, rude and arrogant selfish, but it can’t be true, it is just a proper attitude for a writer being all moody and cut off from everyone just helps to be alone in a crowd. Joy never felt so calm but still a little voice in the head annoying him about other unimportant stuffs, like ‘go have fun with friends’ ‘call Neha’ Neha and Joy supposed to be a couple, they are maybe he is not very clear in the terms of official relations, they have a connection and that’s nice but why not that is enough? Why he have to give this connection of mind a name? all words scattered here and there, not getting any grippes around it.

-I have to complete this or…

Joy mumbles, he does that when he feel tensed,

-you should stop talking to yourself and start concentrating on your thoughts more don’t you think?

It is the weird man again, usual smirk on his face, he just like to sneak on people or just love to sneak on Joy particularly

-go will you please…not in the mood for rubbish chit chat..

Joy tightened his grip on the pen; he is now so much into old school pen and paper writing these days, not typing anymore, he just loves the feeling on the tip of his fingers after holding a pen so tight. The harsh base of a paper, the smell of it, all so nostalgic; he started his writing for the first time like that.

-you grumpy man, just mumbling and writing gibberish all day long sitting there by the window like a broken man!! What is wrong with you? Do you remember that you are alive or just forgot?

-what’s wrong with me? Are you insane? I am doing my work ,I have to write, this is what I do, and what you do weird man? Just messing with me whenever you got time, don’t you have anything else to do?

Weird man chuckled, looking right into the eyes of irritated Joy

-yes I have a lot of things to do, a world of things, I am not like you sitting around whole day writing stuff from your stupid mind, imagining things, I do real things, want to do real things but not everyone gets what they want; do they smart man??

-yaa they do… they just has to quite disturbing other people and start doing their jobs.

Weird man starts moving around the room like a mosquito looking for blood, making snarky sounds, Joy never liked that man, he is so aggressive and attacking all the time, following him, always talking to him, Joy pushed all other people away just to be alone, to think in peace, but not this man

-you want to get rid of me right? Like you did with all others around you? But I am not that easy buddy, you are the person stopping me to doing things that I like, that i desperately needs, moving from here, from this stupid hell hole, but you sitting here, holding me back, and I am not going to make that easy for you.

-what are you talking about? You followed me all this time, still you followed me , came here to just mess with me and you are accusing me of holding you back? You go where ever you want, go do whatever you want to do, just leave me alone to do my job.

The weird man fall down laughing like he never laughed before, the sound filling the room like a poisonous invisible gas, suffocating Joy, the books all are around crumbling, he just close his ears and eyes, the man will never  leave Joy to be in peace, never let him forget the broken dreams he left behind he is going to mock him always like this.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

It was a beautiful morning, bright full of light and colors, but Neha knows it is not so much bright for someone, someone who just sits in his room all day, tries to write so hard like old days, but what else he can do? How will he going to leave that room? it’s is not in his hands, he just have to sit there, live there, only that way he will stay in the house, he will stay outside of that horrible place, Neha just can’t imagine how fast a man like him turned into that, still among all of those, lives her Joy the famous writer the dreamer she once knew.

-you are sure about it?

Neha knew this question was next, looked into the eyes of her brother Ashok

-yes sure, never been so sure before

-you cannot handle him, he is just not there anymore you know that.

-he is there just hiding from all of us, that is OK though, he will  be back to me someday.

-the Joy you are talking about not the problem, problem is that weird man, no one can handle that.

Neha muttered, it’s true she saw the weird man many times before, she was the first to recognize him, the eyes were wild, cruel face, with no emotion, and at the first look she knew that he was nothing but trouble.

-but I can’t leave Joy alone in there, you were there right? he was dying there, how can you suggest me to send him right back?he needs me, he needs someone to come back for.

--the doctors know what to do, they can control a mad man

Neha just bust out with anger

-don’t you dare call my Joy a mad man, he is the sweetest smartest man that I will ever know, what happened to him is bad and cruel, but I will not lose him to that weird vicious man, one day I will get him back.

-you know that he has DID right? ‘Dissociative identity disorder’ he lives like totally two different man, but Joy is the submissive one, and for that reason the weird man is controlling him, and he is getting stronger everyday, doctors told me he has to be transfer to a mental facility for you own safety, please listen to me you are my little…

The crumbling sound from the other room interrupted Ashok, Neha’s big brother, the sound was similar to them, but still scary, Neha knew Joy was arguing with that man again, all alone in a locked room, somehow Joy knew he has to live in a close world, he just wanted to write, fictions, characters so fiery and aggressive, but somehow he triggered his own alter ego, the darkness in his mind from his past created something so dark, the seed was there in his genes so one day the weird man came and took over, he is growing stronger, Joy never liked fighting he just want to live in peace and calmly. Neha looked at the window Joy was standing looking back at her but the eyes, the eyes were not his, and there the grin on his face, Neha closed her eyes, it will be a fight between three people Joy, Neha and the Weird man.

("Dissociation identity disorder" DID also known as multiple personality disorder, one person with multiple personality a mental condition.)

Birth of fear!!

Birth of fear

Feeling a guilt all over my existence

Guilt of silence, doing nothing,

Without power a pathetic life form.

What is a mind full of fire, full of rage?

If that mind is without a guilt,

crawling, lurking in the very flesh

in every reality, in every trance.

May be a delusion, making no sense

making no excuse, just loathing.

Fear makes all disgusting things alive

Within or outside no matter that is,

A low life form will born from the ashes

of fear and darkness, like a dark phoenix

wings made of blood and hatred, living

breathing in every mind, forcing a life

to be silent, be scared.

Fear makes all disgusting things alive,

Destroying minds full of energy, burning

fire, all voices gone, hidden in the cape

of panic.

All nightmares came to life after the birth

Of fear in the heart.