“Lost in time” – my entry to the Get Published contest’’

“Lost in time” – my entry to the Get Published contest’’

How this “love” works in life? No one knows the answer, or they do, in a completely different manner, the sparks, and the situation the feelings all varies man to man. occasionally the time and the actual recognition of that feelings happened in the most odd manner that other than that person no one can relate to that, but the bizarre circumstances does not make those love stories any less important.

“Lost in time” is a love story about two people, Akash a loner and a struggling writer, and a girl name Torsha, Torsha is name of a Bengali river. Far away from each other but still love happened, the feelings existed, but only problem was they belonged to different time, one in past one in present, they never met, never spoke to each other never shared a cup of coffee together, never walked in moonlight holding hands, but they shared the feelings they shared same ideas and understood each other better than anyone else. But they both had a fulfilling life with loved ones and their own family, they both were happy and both were somehow fell in love with each other, in love, age does not matter, creed, cast nationality does not matter, but in this story time did not matter either.

What Makes This Story ‘Real’: it may be a bizarre uncommon story but I first realized that, this was a real story when I was visiting my uncle’s house; one of the main characters was a neighbor of my uncle, for a very long time that person was known about as a grumpy old neighbor living all alone in that old age. Once visiting the house I realized the real story some from that individual and some from old diaries and letters. I was amazed and felt obligated to share that pure love story.

Extract: "Torsha’s parents first met on the banks of the river Torsha on a sunny bright winter day, so when their new born baby first smiled the name Torsha came rushing to their minds and flooded them with the amazing feeling of pure happiness, so the name bonded with the baby forever, it became the sign of her existence, a symbol of love. She knew love from the moment of her origin........"

Endnote: This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

Extreme stage of Narcissism or just beliefs?

Extreme stage of Narcissism or just beliefs?

If I was a strong believer then I could say that the god is trying to make me an atheist and with a good plan. In India as an Indian it is not very common to turn out to be a nonbeliever, the folk stories, legends, supernatural encounter stories are everywhere, every event has a peculiarly explanatory story behind it and reason don’t matter much in war with beliefs. Now the point I started before, that if I am a believer I should think that the Supreme Being is trying to make me a nonbeliever, and it is not very illogical point also. If the god has any resemblance with his greatest creation (ironically speaking) human kind than sometime he must feel very depress by all the exploitation and hustle is happening by his name, and he just want to be invisible and want to concentrate on other things.

Why should not? If someone created all of us or organized the big bang somehow should he still feel happy to see us like this? No one can think so, by the name of god killings are happening, we hate each other just for having different beliefs, different perspectives, and doing a lot of damage in the meantime to this creation and nature. May be it was better when all of us used to worship nature, trees, mountains and animals, by that we did not kill or destroy anything for fun. How selfish is that to imagine the supreme power in an exact shame of human beings, you don’t think it is a huge sign of extreme narcissism? The megalomaniac tendencies in human mind is working and making us to see us the man as a perfect reflection of supreme power, the god complex is growing and we believe us to be the creator rather than a little creation that we really are. The beliefs making us  self-centric and violent, other hand if we mix beliefs with science and then we act like master of everything, definitely the architect of new things and still on a power hungry trip to a down way street.

So it is possible that every time dismissing every blind belief in front of me by reason and logic the great almighty sending me a sign, to be a nonbeliever of supreme power or anything violent and dark, following logic and humanity and knowing that it is my faults that is I am suffering can find true nirvana from my ego, then may be just maybe I will not feel like I am doing charity if I give some food from my plate to animals that we are torturing everyday by just acting supreme. Being obligated is far more modest feeling than being the protector or the greatest animal on earth.

But all those things can come to my mind if I was a strong believer, but I am not, I am just a biological manifestation of this nature, part of this earth nothing more, I am lucky that I am able to think or feel, just not growing physically but growing mentally too, so if there is a creator that I picture as this universe because imagine that energy as a living thing with a head, tow hand, and two feet is not mentally stable idea, that is just an extreme case of narcissism.

Twist & turns of life !!

Twist & turns of life !!

Before meeting anyone new unknown we normally picture an image inside our heads, about that person with the facts in hand, like after hearing a name we think that person will be kind of like that or this, but the fun thing is after the actual encounter we get the original picture, sometime it is so funny to think about the assumption that we made before. Just like this life, one thing that we plan or assume that it is going to be that, or I will feel that, but in real something completely different happens, and that is what we need actually, something unexpected shocking new, it can be bad sometime horrific but still a new experience.

But sometime we get what we imagined and that feeling is not uplifting, because the exact result of our assumption never surprises us, and we, all human beings, believe or not love surprises, some of us claim to hate it, but still unconsciously need it. What we need is not always what we want. But this logic sounds extremely stupid most of the time in our life. Because in a little moment it is not natural for us to look into the big picture or find out the real longtime consequences, we just feel the moment if it is terrible then the logic before is completely out of line.

I have witnessed same mistake being done over and over again still hoping for a new result, not understanding the course happened before just crying and trying to hold up the same feeling, it hurts every time, still some people don’t look for a new question a new perspective, just like rat running in a fix circle. It is may be irritating for people watching the events happening and the person complaining, but the pain that the person is feeling is unparalleled, but no other except he or she help that to change.

Why doing the same thing over and over and hopping for a new result? Is it human nature? But no many people change, got wise with time and every experience do different things, but why some people don’t change? Are they stupid? Or just incapable of changing, why can’t they evolve mentally? But stay in a same psychological prison forever, may be they just never stop assuming and guessing the outcome, they just don’t get surprises from life or nor recognize it to change the course. It feels sad to witness such people turning and walking on a forever crossroad, not able to help them. May be there is no surprise in that; we cannot help anyone if they don’t need it. We can just walk on our road keep turning into new turns and get brand new scene and experience something unexpected.

An attacking fish!!!

An attacking fish!!!

It was a stupid fish bone or maybe I was stupid, still it was that stupid fishbone who tortured me for three days. I am not very religious and not enough sensitive to be a vegetarian, sometimes I tried but still, it is very hard for a Bengali girl like me not to eat fish, so that stupid fishbone was somehow inevitable, so was the pain, panic and at last a visit to a doctor, all of these could have been dismissed if I was a vegetarian. But still I was furious about the stupid fish, and declared over and over that I will not eat that kind of fish ever again, like I am punishing them by not eating them, or declaring a war with those fishes by not cooking them or killing them. It was may be totally pathetically hilarious to those fishes.

It was shameful event for me, painful and it is equally sad of me to documenting such a stupid event of my life, but still I learned many things from fish bone, that even after death one can take revenge, but the fish may be confused a little bit, it missed the throat of the fisherman who caught it, or the salesman or even the cook, but no!! it attacked me the poor consumer. What was my sin?  I eat it, and enjoyed it before that entire revenge thing happened. Why me?

The fish or the fish bone was cleaver than anyone; it was able to understand the circle of fish market, all was about me, the consumer, the very person who enjoys the product, if I was a vegetarian or my family or everyone then there was no need for fisherman or salesman in the first place, like if we don’t need wooden furniture in our precious houses then there no need for wood market or even the wood smugglers in forest, all around me, the poor sad, little consumer, sitting right in the middle of everything. The fish attacked me because it was aware of my power, the power of consuming; it wanted to teach a lesson to the main culprit.

But why that fish? Why me? Still it was unfair, why not ghosts of trees haunt the people with huge wooden furniture in their houses that will be instant karma, or why not murder victims haunt the killer for rest of their lives. Why the hell no one attack or capture bird smugglers, or poachers of the forests? May be they do, but for the haunt there must be a soul, and karma can be realize if someone feel bad after doing something wrong, if not there is nothing real like an attacking master mind fish with a fish bone biochemical weapon there just a stupid fish bone stuck in a stupid human’s throat.

The day that will never be….

The day that will never be….

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”--Bob Dylan

There should be a whole day just for doing whatever we  want to do, obviously with some ground rules because after all many of us simply little bit more crazy than others, still a whole day for do whatever we want to do, without doing anything evil. Just to be us the real us, but it is an impossible idea, because only dreaming is a thing that we can do without any disturbance or interference but nothing else. Because we live in a society which is a good thing, but it chained us in several manners, we cannot do stupid things or illogical things without close scrutiny. Explaining every step of our lives to others, try to fit in, try to be one of the crowed is a common part of our existence. Like the band Pink Floyd stated, “Just another brick in the wall”.

We all born with individuality, vivid differences, with different taste, feelings and characteristics, but the planned growing up process made us all kind of same, only outside of course, we all act walk, work, talk in a rehearsed manner, the individuality the difference is not a part of planned society, different is bad is threatening, doing same thing is far more safe and simple. That is the way we programmed ourselves. But being different is the only thing that can create chaos   which is not a bad thing always, only chaos can bring change, it might be good or bad but still better than stagnation. But in a society some few people are individually different aware, thinking is not enough, in a country where more than average is thinking quite differently, discussing, expressing all thoughts and breaking the fix rules and setting a ground for new era is something that we need now. A change a bigger and messy change in everything, the recognition of individuality, the celebration of different people, not a heard of ships or anything a society, where everyone is different but still doing everything for a cause.

So is it that much of a dream to want a day to act as I was born, not the way I had been programmed like rest of others, just want to be me unique stupid little crazy me, just like many others just want to break the shell just for once, to feel the change once.  

I will sleep after I die…

I will sleep after I die…

It is like waking up after long winter hibernation, in a cold dark cozy comfortable place to gather energy and life force for a new season a known but new season, to start the struggle of life again, to be tired and weak again to assemble all the new experience, yes it is exactly like after hibernation. All that quite time mind thinks, continuously without stopping for a moment in dreams in every waking moment the mind never rest never sleeps, it knows only to process the collected data, the emotions, the memories. So I was in a trance I am who was resting not my mind for once, it was racing, working thinking and trying to communicating with me it was trying to wake me up. After all I was wasting a huge amount of time in rest in sleep in not doing anything, which is some time my most favorite thing to do.

In my life time in my home I never witnessed this kind of cold environment before, it was a new winter like no other before, it was fun at first all the outings, picnics and other outing stuffs, December with Christmas cakes and December ended with last days of 2012, new year of 2013, not good news everywhere, some horrible memories of the past and present a new hope for better life in new near future, all was happening around me including be but still I was in rest in a stop mode, maybe I was processing everything, watching and feeling and dreaming  about some new dreams new goals. I changed after the winter a little bit, got a little angrier got a little bit restless bored and frustrated.

I have been sleeping for a long time, not living, just moving forward is not living, if it is then it is a waste of a lifetime, I was just berating in and out, walking on and on, feeling nothing. But it ends now; it was a metamorphosis may be I was in hibernation a winter thing now I am feeling the sun rays upon my skin I am awake my mind is inside me screaming and crouching to make me conscious of my surroundings, I was walking in a line for a very long time, I was singing a common song for so long I was seeing the same dream as everyone else now it is enough, I want to change I want to walk in a new direction I want to sing a new song, I don’t want to sleep anymore, I will sleep again when my journey will end when it will be only thing to do I will sleep on the day of my demise.