Mumbling of my sad mind!!!!!

Mumbling of my sad mind!!

I was thinking this a very long time, my family all of them connected by same genes I don’t know really, I am from a very large family but still never met many of my family members, where are they I always wondered. May be I did meet them in a crowded rail or bus or passed right through them in a road along with the crowds, but without knowing the connection, that really sometimes makes me sad. I brought up in a nuclear family not by choice but by the situation but my father always miss his childhood memories with a large joint family, I never had the opportunities to feel that bonding, just know the stories. It may be seem very pathetic, maybe it is that, still I like to know someday rest of my family members. Where are they I don’t know, funny thing is many of them even don’t care about having a relation without getting anything out of it. It is just the nature of human beings all-around I guess. But not for everyone there are still big happy families I witnessed very few though, but still they exist.

It’s a curse really to not feel that closeness without any reason or any means just a connection by heart, without politics, without any expectation just a family, caring, loving. But it’s like an utopia, just dream in a dream, no one do anything or for anyone without a proper cause, selflessness is gone somehow, here and there may be scatter some, but mostly gone. It is like everyone just living for themselves, so logical most of the time so realistic but is that attitude is real? Is that the theme of human relations? I don’t think so, what is the meaning of having lots of the money without spending for good evening or a memory with close ones, what is the meaning of living a long life without doing crazy stupid stuffs with family or friends. Everything is out of our hand, life death all of it, still we just try so hard to control whatever we could to make sense out of it. In the mean time we lose all real things real relations real feelings that matters.

I will look for my long lost family, may be never contact them but still will look for them, in a way we all are connected still in the end of a day so alone, one in the million truly everyone of us. This is nothing but the mumbling of my sad mind, this feeling come often to just make me remember the stories of my parent’s childhood, maybe I envy them, maybe I want to feel those feelings, maybe I just want to show that the connection is still there no matter how far they live or how distant they feel inside. The relation between tow human is greater than any reason or reality.